‘Ambition’ by Author Christine Armstrong

By Christine Armstrong
Author, The Mother of All Jobs

Why does combining ambition and fulfilment so often feel impossible? Perhaps because we’re defining it the wrong way.

The English teacher at our school liked to sweep grandly through the corridors in his black graduation gown booming put-downs in his plummy accent, one of his favourites being “If you close your mouth… no one will know how stupid you really are”.

When we studied Macbeth, he demanded to know ‘What is Lady Macbeth?’. Hands went up and tentative suggestions were made ‘powerful’, ‘a wife’, ‘guilty’…. ‘NO!’ he bellowed ‘Lady Macbeth is….’ – and he spat the word into the classroom – ‘…AMBITIOUS’. Aged 15, we learnt then that ambition was to seek power ruthlessly via murder. Result: madness and possible suicide.

But that’s clearly nonsense: ambition means ‘a strong desire to achieve something’ and ‘the desire and determination to achieve success’. The very concepts we aspire to, for ourselves and our children.

Or perhaps, more for our male children. It is interesting that, in terms of work, money and power, ambitious men are seen as a positive thing. Leaders like Sir Richard Branson, Sir Alan Sugar, Sir Ranulph Fiennes, Sir James Dyson are broadly supported for their determination. Of course, taken too far, we turn on these heroes and it is possible for them to become perceived as monsters only too quickly, as a few famous men have discovered of late.

Yet for women, ambition is always complicated. It is too often used as a shorthand for pushy, greedy or selfish and code for bitchy. The kind of women that the popular press like to call ‘ambitious’ are those whose are seen bossy (another difficult word being reclaimed) and difficult: Hillary Clinton, Sheryl Sandberg, Meghan Markle/the Duchess of Sussex, new Democratic Senator Alexandria Ocasio-Cortex, or AOC as she is known.

AOC being a particularly good example for many people of just the kind of person needed to shake things up at this moment of political impasse and environmental crisis. When our politicians, business leaders and the wider public may feel that it’s time to be as hugely ambitious – in the widest sense of the world – as possible. So how do we reclaim the idea that the strong desire and determination to achieve something is not only positive – it is hugely laudable? Or indeed to surface that to shy away from such ambition is a dereliction of duty that will leave us unable to fix the challenges of the world.

Polly McMaster, Founder and CEO of The Fold is clear: “At this moment in time, I want to say that it’s ok – actually is important – to be unapologetically ambitious.” Kara Rosen, Founder of Plenish, agrees and says that, for her, ambition is “a commitment to grow every day and dream big”.

What then will this reframing of ambition require?

The first step, according to Sara Bennison, board member of Nationwide and mother of four, is that we need to be more honest and open about our ambition: “The big thing no one tells you when you’re starting out is that you need to think about what kind of a person you are and what motivates you. If you, like me, need people around you and validation and professional and measurable achievements, admit that and live accordingly.” We may also need to be more honest about what ambition actually entails: Kara points to ‘the HUSTLE’ as the key feature of the ambitious: another idea that can seem a bit too pushy for ‘nice’ people but in a modern world feels important.

The second step is that we should expect to be recognised for our achievements. Polly says it’s ‘important to demand more and seek the recognition you deserve.’ She is surely right, especially for women given the average pay gap of almost 18% (2018 data). It’s hardly surprising that not being encouraged to be ambitious – or being reluctant to be seen as ambitious – has a negative impact on earnings and promotions.

The third is to broaden our definition of ambition beyond the narrow world of work. Amelia Torode, founder of the Fawnbreak Collective and Fold Woman, says: “Yes I am deeply ambitious, ambitious to do things right. When I started running I wanted to do a marathon, then I wanted to run in a time that qualified me for the Boston Marathon, when I started to outdoor swim I knew that I would have to do it all year round, and have just come back from Finland where I swam in the frozen Baltic Sea.” A determined philosophy she has also applied to setting up her own new-style agency.

But running businesses is, of course, where things can get complicated. In an always-on working world, how do those of us that are comfortable with ambition also manage our time in a way that is conducive to happy and balanced lives? Is that even possible? We all know people whose ambition has led them into stress, burn-out and breakdowns. Even before caring for children or aging parents is thrown into the mix.

Which is an issue close to the heart of first-time father and Deliveroo Marketing Director Leonard Picardo when he reflects on the next phase of his life.

‘I would describe myself as ambitious but people always consider ambition solely in the context of work and I have new ambitions in life… to be the best dad that I can be. I want to be an advocate for shared parental responsibility. Before I married, I guess my ambition was predominantly channelled into work, but now I have ambitions in being a husband, dad, advisor and friend too.’

Seeing that wider picture is of course essential for a fulfilled life, but that isn’t to suggest it’s always easy. As one fulltime working mother who realised too late that she had downplayed her own dreams over her partner’s put it:

‘We never had a conversation where he said, “you have to put yourself on hold, it’s all going to be about me and the kids”. We never discussed that. We never agreed. It was a given. I feel stupid thinking it but I feel pissed off about that. I don’t want to be a stay-at-home mum, I love my kids and I’d die for them but I don’t want to be with them all the time and I don’t want to sacrifice networking and nights out. But he assumes it will ALWAYS be me that compromises. It will always be me that finds a babysitter. It kills me. I am ambitious too.’

Lisa Unwin, Fold Woman and Founder of She’s Back, recognises this frustration and reflects on how becoming a mother changed her ambition: “I spent my thirties head down, forging a career which came to a halt. My forties were mostly about motherhood. And in my fifties, my ambition is back with a new found feeling of power and freedom. This time I want to make an impact on the world.”

She is not alone. As I was writing this, the Twitter handle “Ambitious Mother” popped onto my timeline. Interestingly, she conceals her true identity (because she talks about her workplace) but has four children under seven and is studying for an MBA and working four days a week. I asked her about her choice of Twitter name and she said it was ‘intentionally provocative’: she chose it when she realised how oxymoronic ambition and motherhood were. Ambitious Mother – and many others – are setting stall by being ambitious at work and in life and public about it.

It strikes me that the reclamation of ambition is essential and will depend on all of us and our leaders – like these above – being willing to talk about it and what it entails and inspire others to act accordingly.

Starting with our own narratives. What I take away for my own life is that we should encourage our children to be actively ambitious for all that they see as important, at home and at work. To talk about those ambitions – and never feel they should conceal their desires from those that might prefer them to close their mouths – in the context of a happy and balanced life more widely. And to describe Lady Macbeth as a fabulous fictional character who is a better representation of psychopathy than the potential of audacious ambition.

International Women’s Day 2019: Click here to read ‘Ambition Dressing’ by Lizzie Edwards.